Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
