you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
