i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
