Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
