She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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