fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
