A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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