guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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