Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
