On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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