Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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