Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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