Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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