3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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