The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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