so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
