I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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