even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
