hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize