It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
