If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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