i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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