the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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