i just sent this text using only my big toe
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
