I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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