why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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