It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
