ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize