I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
