Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
