I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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