winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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