She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
