Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize