i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
