Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have tasted many bathrooms
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
