Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
