ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
