Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
3pm strippers are depressing
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
