My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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