now i know why i became what i already was.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
