Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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