Screwed.edu
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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