Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize