They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
