I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
