Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
