when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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