I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
