Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
