so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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