all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
