The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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