im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
