Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize