so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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