youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
