It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
