who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
