So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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