just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize