If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
