I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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