I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
