i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
