I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
