i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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