So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
