i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
one might say we're banned from that church
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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