i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
