I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
