I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
