Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
