I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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