His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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