Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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