You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
