my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize