New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
