How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
