I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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