His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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