Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
