New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
