I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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