we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
