I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
