i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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