I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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