I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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