I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
