Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
