Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
