woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
