the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My ATM looks so different sober.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
