So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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