I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I will be naked everywhere
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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