I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
